Myself and Jerome each had reached the semi finals for our club championship in the “A” flight. We were scheduled for our ‘match play’ round on the second week in August. There was only one slight problem, being that both Jerome and I, along with six other fellows were heading off to Scotland for nine rounds of spectacular golf at the most famous golf courses in Scotland.
The week before we were to leave, I asked our head pro, if Jerome and I could play our semi final round in Scotland and play it at none other than St. Andrews the Old Course. How neat would that be to play a tournament round, where Nicholas, Palmer, Hogan, Jones, Watson, and old Tom Morris, just to name a few have played and actually have won the British Open there at St. Andrews. Our club pro said sure, if Jerome was agreeable. Jerome was absolutely agreeable. He was just as excited as I was to compete between ourselves in a match that would be on one of the oldest and most famous golf courses in the world.
Our tee time was at 12:30 PM. Prior to our playing the Old Course we had a tee time at 7:30 AM on St. Andrew’s New Course. Those of you readers that are not familiar with the St. Andrew’s New Course, this is their course that they’ve built around 1895 (the Old Course was built around 1550 or so), which is adjacent to the Old Course right next to the North Sea. In order for me to get a tee time for all eight of the players, two foursomes, I was required to also play one of the other six golf courses that the St. Andrews Links Trust, manages. They know that everyone just wants to play the Old Course; therefore, they require that you play another one of their other courses. I agreed to this stipulation. I picked the New Course, since it’s literally right next to the Old Course.
All eight of us teed off on the New Course at 7:30 AM and 7:40 AM. We played the first four holes and then decided as a group, that we did not come to St. Andrews to play this course. We then moved over to the 15th hole tee box which runs adjacent to the 4th hole green and decided to play in, grab a bite to eat and hang around until our 12:30 PM tee time. We jumped over to the 15th hole and started playing in. When a St. Andrews Scottish marshal on a motorized little scooter, came speeding down the fairway and stopped us cold. He said, “Lads, ye missed the entire 5th hole, ye better ye turn ‘round and head em’ back.”
I told the marshal that we did it on purpose and we really did not want to play the other remaining ten holes, we just wanted to play in and wait for our tee time on the Old Course. The Scotsman who called himself MacRory was totally incensed, insisting that we immediately turn around and head back to the 5th hole because what we were doing was totally illegal and immoral. He said in his heavy Scottish brogue, ” Bonnie sport, ye wil not be allowed to do dat.”
I told the marshal that since there was no one else on the entire golf course except us that we would not be interfering with anyone else’s play. Hell, we were the only eight people on the entire golf course.
MacRory, then said, that because of what we were doing, we were not entitled to any sort of refund and sooner or later justice will overtake all of us American evil-doers. I told the Scotsman that was fine with us. We really did not want a refund; we just wanted to play about eight holes of golf as a warm-up to the afternoon round. He was absolutely spitting mad at us, since he now had no one playing his New course. I think I heard him put a Scottish curse on me by saying, “He that sleeps wit them dawgs, maun rise up with flaes.” as he turned, jumping on his scooter, spinning the wheels and spitting up turf at us and he was gone.
We finished our eight holes, heading straight to the St. Andrews non-member’s clubhouse for a traditional full Scottish breakfast , which consisted of thick toast, black pudding, fried haggis, potato hash, back bacon or Lorne sausage, poached eggs, fried mushrooms, grilled tomatoes, and all served with black tea. I must say that the Scots are not known for their culinary skills, they are mostly known for their world class golf links, not their sausage links. All 8 of us just relaxed and enjoyed each other’s company until our 12:30 PM tee time. Everyone was totally pumped to play the Old Course, with the intense anticipation and desire that transforms all those possibilities into reality.
Jerome and I were getting utterly excited about our up coming semi-final match on the Old Course, as the Scott’s would say, “Be happy while you’re living, for you’re a long time dead”.
When are you going to have your own line of golf fashion? Maybe there’s a chance for Julie to get involved in something new!? Making fashion statements out of well tailored Johnsons instead of Bazooms. Just think of the opportunities. You don’t need to have shorts (maybe boxers). There’s something else for Julie to get into. The line could be color coordinated with various hair dye schemes … maybe you could pick up a partnership with Loreal. You could also create a “Delbo’s Done It Here Links” a sales network of all the courses you have played … think of the advertising … “Wear what Delbo wears! ‘If I An’t Played there … it don’t sell my cloths!’” You might get Bop Dewey to give some to the mission. Wait! Maybe a scent!? Old sock? Hat Band? Hair Tint Blues & Greens? Flagstick Fingers? Ball Washer Surprise! Old Cart Seat! Gosh, how the mind boggles.
Limitless opportunity. Keep smiling! I am.
Rick.
This is way too funny. I have to share this with all the readers. I’m on the interstate and I had to pull over. I cannot stop laughing. I was thinking that all the guys should also get the “Golf with Delbo” tattoo, soon to be very popular with the PGA and LPGA players.
Did you or did you not eat the haggis, you bloody yank?!
There was no way in hell that I was going to eat the haggis and then puke before the big match at St. Andrews, as a matter of fact, I wasn’t even going to eat that stuff after the match. Let’s face it that stuff is un-American and disgusting…