#2: The Infamous Krispy Kreme Doughnuts

 Being born and raised in Chicago, then moving to and living in Peoria, I have found that all of us in the Midwest grew up on the doughnuts from Mr. Donut. I never heard of or tasted a Krispy Kreme doughnut until several years ago while golfing in Myrtle Beach. For years we just kept passing the Krispy Kreme donut shop on Highway 17 in North Myrtle Beach and not once did we ever stop to grab a donut, until that one fatal year were two of my condo mates said, “tonight, we are going to have some Krispy Kreme donuts”.

 All 12 of us had just left the Parson’s Table restaurant in Little River and were driving back to our condo when sweet swinging Rod had announced to Clark and myself  that, since he was driving, he had a taste for some freshly baked donuts at Krispy Kreme and we were going to stop.

 As we pulled into the parking lot you would immediately smell the freshly baking doughnut aroma in the air and that smell just grabbed the three of us by our nostrils, lifted us out of the van and off our feet, as we just floated into the donut shop like a magic spell had been placed upon us. As we entered the donut shop, they had just finished cooking those amazing glazed doughnuts and they were coming off this conveyor belt, four rows across and as far as the eye could see, like tiny round soldiers marching in precise order and unison right in front of us. Our very own eyes started to water. You just cannot get doughnuts any fresher than that. The person behind the counter noticed the three of us just mesmerized by the columns of hot glazed doughnuts. Being trained very well, she immediately gave each of us a free hot fresh donut to sample and we were then hooked.

 Rod, one of the most well respected architects in the Peoria who is an avid runner, very quickly said, “Give us a large box of those glazed doughnuts,” which just happened to be 24 in the box. We then headed straight back to our condo, as fast as the law would allow, with those hot freshly baked donuts in our hands with the aroma filling the van.

 When we got into the condo, Clark, who raises turkeys on a farm just outside of Peoria and every morning at 5:30 am works out on an Elliptical cross trainer, opened the box and started to cut all the donuts in half. His thinking was that we would then eat them a lot slower while watching the recap of the day’s sports on ESPN. It was about 9:30 PM when we first opened the box of doughnuts. I grabbed one half and ate it, WOW! That was the best glazed donut I have ever had. I then went to the refrigerator to grab some milk, but all we had was Guinness and Cakebread Chardonnay wine. Beer and/or wine with fresh baked donuts just doesn’t sound very appealing to me, so I finished my second half of the donut with a glass of water and told Clark and Rod that I was going to bed and I would see them bright and early in the morning.

 I awoke up around 5:30 AM, showered, shaved, brushed my teeth, and headed into the kitchen to make some fresh coffee before getting dressed for golf that day and maybe just have one more Krispy Kreme doughnut before we would all head downstairs for breakfast to meet the rest of the group. Both Rod and Clark were also up, since I could hear the two separate showers running at the end of the hallway. While the coffee was brewing, I went over to the counter where the doughnut box was laying and as I opened the box to my total and complete surprise was that all the donuts were gone. 24 donuts had completely disappeared. I was in total disbelief because that meant that both of my roommates had finished 23 donuts between themselves.

 As they both finally strolled into the kitchen for some coffee, I asked them both, “where the heck did all of those donuts go?”

 Rod looked at Clark and Clark looked back at Rod, they both then shrugged their shoulders and said they did not know. I had no idea of the sweet tooth that both of these guys now had. I mean that was one hell of a lot of sugar that was consumed last night. At breakfast, I told the story of the disappearing 23 donuts to the other fellows, while both Clark and Rod claimed they only consumed five or six each and that I must have gotten up late that evening and finished the rest of them off. Nice try guys. No one bought their story.

 That evening after all 12 of us finished our dinner at the Brentwood Inn, we headed straight back to the condos. Our van had to make a stop at Walgreen’s to pick up some toothpaste, sunscreen, and some Rolaids, thereby letting the other two vans beat us back to the condos. And what do you think was waiting for us at the foot of our door, but yet another box of 24 freshly baked Krispy Kreme doughnuts

 I picked them up and brought them into the unit, this time we did not cut them in half. I grabbed two donuts and headed straight to the refrigerator where we still had no milk, just cold beer and wine.  After I finished my donuts, the remaining 22 just sat on the counter in their box because both Clark and Rod said they did not want any. The very next morning while making coffee, I saw the box wide open and completely empty again. Not only were all the donuts gone, but the glazed icing that always spills onto the box was scraped clean, we could have recycled that box.

 Both Rod and Clark were not feeling very well that morning, both were complaining about upset stomachs, while completely denying eating all of those donuts two nights in a row. What I forgot to tell you is that after the first night of the amazing Krispy Kreme doughnuts, Clark had called his broker and had purchased 5000 shares of Krispy Kreme stock that day.

 After we returned from that golf trip a couple of weeks later, Clark’s wife Mary had heard about the Krispy Kreme eat-a-thon and proceeded to tell Clark just how many gazillion fat grams and calories that he had consumed. Within that week Clark had sold all of his Krispy Kreme stock and rolled over that money into organic wine. He believes that this will be a lot healthier for him and also a lot more fun to consume.

 Clark and Rod initially had to do a rehab stint at the Sara Lee Abuse Center in Deerfield, Illinois and have since been attending the D.A. (donuts anonymous) weekly meetings on a regular basis. Both have been doughnut clean for several years now, although they both still receive their yearly Christmas card from the Krispy Kreme Corp. saying that they miss ‘em.